When Do I Know I Have Discernment?

Any type of relationship is hard to navigate. This is in terms of romantic, platonic, familial, work, etc. Understanding people isn’t an easy task to do. Especially when entering new environments. Juggling everyone’s vast backgrounds going all the way to how they were raised, their unknown and known (not aware of) triggers, ideals, beliefs, etc. Sometimes, those key things that make up who we are at our core aren’t known at a first impression. Sometimes, we are lucky enough to pick up on things as we learn about the other person, or it's eventually shared, but here is the question. Do you always have those things taken into consideration?

There are times in our lives when we have to put ourselves first, but determining that is the actual challenge. Having the ability to assess a situation and choose what is best for you cannot be taught. The journey to that place can be instant, or it can take years. Some people have the ability to say, “Nope! I’m not dealing with this, AND you are going to know why I’m not!” while others shy away and not confront the situation (acting as if it never happened) or making excuses for the behaviors and actions of others done towards them. Setting boundaries for yourself is the best form of protection (to your heart, soul, and mind). Having that confidence to fight for yourself, even if it’s a losing battle, can be draining, but it comes from the strength of knowing. Discernment: either you listen, or you’re being hard-headed (we all have been there and potentially still are there). What should be added to this is the importance of consistency in doing so. Sometimes, the right answer isn’t the answer we want, so we have to listen and comprehend what to do in those areas of feeling lost. Sometimes, the heart wants what it wants, but the mind knows what the heart needs.

In all forms of relationships, you can place that other person first as a priority (constantly or even just momentarily), but this neglects the whole purpose of putting yourself first, right? This is what I mean about knowing when and when not to. When it’s time to fight, when it’s time to let go, and when it’s time to listen and accept. It’s an internal battle that, over time, gets easier to fight. If you feel like you are in a place that makes you feel stuck, alone, disrespected, uncared for, abandoned… don’t be afraid to choose YOU. Change only happens when you allow it to. Whatever is stopping you is irrelevant to how big the hurt is. And if it’s whoever is stopping you, would they do the same for you? Do they actually care? If you said no to one or both questions, there is your answer.

There might be times when we are unaware of these feelings until something just clicks. It can be a hard pill to swallow if you are just now gaining clarity on a situation. This is your time to work internally and decide how you want to move about it. You cannot force yourself to feel a different emotion. If, deep down, you aren’t ready mentally to change, it simply won’t happen. Learn about yourself and your limitations. It is okay to be comfortable but know (and you will) when it’s time to move and grow. You’ll start to gradually and inadvertently prepare and align yourself to where you want to be. Time illustrates all. It lays everything out in a bright and bold way. Shoving it in your face so it’s clearly understood only in your eyes.

You won’t always understand these things instantly, but with time, observation, and confidence… You will see right through.